15 Clear Signs Your Ex Will Eventually Come Back (And What to Do About It)
Breakups suck. There’s no sugarcoating it.
One minute you’re planning a future together, the next you’re staring at your phone wondering why they haven’t texted in 47 days (yes, you’re counting). The worst part? That tiny voice in your head that keeps whispering, “What if they come back?”
You’re not crazy for hoping. Studies show that roughly 50% of couples get back together after a breakup (Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy, 2021), and in younger couples (under 30), that number climbs closer to 65%. So the odds aren’t as terrible as Instagram memes make them seem.
But how do you know if your situation is one of the ones that actually circles back?
After coaching hundreds of people through breakups (and living through a couple of my own), I’ve noticed the same patterns over and over. Here are the 15 strongest signs your ex will eventually come back—and more importantly—what those signs actually mean.
1. They Keep Finding Excuses to Talk to You
Not the “hey, you left your hoodie” text. I’m talking about the random 2 a.m. “saw this meme and thought of you” or asking about your dog three times a week.
If they’re consistently initiating contact—even about dumb stuff—it usually means you’re still living rent-free in their head.
Real-life example: My friend Jess’s ex broke up with her because he “needed space.” For six weeks he kept texting about Netflix shows they used to watch together. Guess who was back together by month three?
2. The Breakup Reason Wasn’t a Total Dealbreaker
Some reasons are recoverable. Others aren’t.
Recoverable: “I’m overwhelmed with work/school,” “We fight too much,” “I need to work on myself.”
Pretty much unrecoverable: “I cheated,” “I never really loved you,” “I’m in love with someone else.”
If the breakup was about timing, stress, or fixable patterns (and not betrayal or total loss of feelings), the door is usually still cracked open.
3. They Get Weirdly Emotional or Nostalgic
When someone starts saying things like:
- “Remember when we drove to that beach at 3 a.m.?”
- “I miss how we used to laugh about everything.”
- “No one gets my sense of humor like you did.”
That’s not small talk. That’s someone testing the waters to see if you feel the same.
4. Their Social Media Says One Thing, But Their Actions Say Another
They post thirst traps and “living my best life” quotes… but still watch every single one of your Instagram stories within 5 minutes of posting.
Classic mixed signals. The posts are for public consumption. The story views? Those are for you.
5. They Haven’t Fully Moved On (And You Know It)
If mutual friends keep saying, “Yeah… they’re dating but it’s not serious,” or “They keep comparing everyone to you,” that’s a massive green flag.
People who are truly done don’t compare new people to their ex. They just enjoy the new person.
6. They Drunk Text or Call You
Alcohol is truth serum.
A 2 a.m. “I miss you” text after a few drinks isn’t just liquid courage—it’s feelings that were already there bubbling up.
(Note: Don’t always respond right away. We’ll talk about that later.)
7. They Try to Make You Jealous (But Not in a Healthy Way)
Posting photos with someone new super fast? Name-dropping dates? Suddenly into skydiving when they used to be afraid of heights?
That’s not moving on. That’s trying to get a reaction out of you.
8. They Keep Your Stuff (And Won’t Give It Back)
If they still have your favorite hoodie, your Nintendo Switch, or that expensive skincare you left “by accident”… they’re holding onto a piece of you.
People who are done return stuff. Or throw it out.
9. The No-Contact Rule Is Driving Them Crazy
You go quiet for a few weeks and suddenly they’re liking your old photos from 2019 or asking mutual friends how you’re doing.
Silence makes feelings louder. If they can’t handle yours, that tells you everything.
10. They Apologize—Really Apologize
Not the weak “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
I mean the “I was wrong about ___, I hurt you, and I hate that I did that” kind of apology.
Grown-up apologies are rare. When they happen, pay attention.
11. They’re Actively Working on Themselves
They start therapy. They get sober. They switch jobs. They finally deal with the issues that tore you apart.
People don’t make massive life changes for someone they’re 100% over.
12. Your Gut Keeps Telling You It’s Not Over
Look, I’m all for logic, but never ignore strong intuition.
When every fiber of your being says “this isn’t finished,” it usually isn’t. I’ve seen this play out way too many times to dismiss it.
13. They Say “I’m Not Ready for a Relationship… Right Now”
The “right now” is doing a lot of heavy lifting in that sentence.
It’s not a never. It’s a not yet.
14. They Check In During Big Life Events
You get a new job? They text congratulations. Your grandma passes away? They send condolences.
People who are truly done don’t keep emotional tabs on your life.
15. You Still Have Amazing Chemistry When You Do Talk
One conversation and it feels like no time has passed. The jokes are still funny. The vibe is still there.
Chemistry like that doesn’t just disappear. It goes dormant.
What to Do If You See These Signs
Seeing 5+ of these? There’s a very good chance they’ll come back.
But here’s the part no one tells you: Them coming back only matters if you still want them—and if they’ve actually changed.
Actionable Steps:
- Stay in your power—keep living your life, looking good, and leveling up.
- Don’t chase. Let them come to you.
- When they reach out, don’t punish them, but don’t roll out the red carpet either. Stay warm but slightly unavailable.
- Have the hard conversations. “What’s different this time?”
- Don’t get back together until they show consistent effort (not just words) for at least 4–6 weeks.
Final Thought
Sometimes exes come back because they miss you. Sometimes they come back because they’re lonely or the new person didn’t work out.
Your job isn’t to figure out which one it is—and whether you even want them anymore.
Because the truth? The best revenge isn’t getting them back.
It’s becoming so undeniably happy and whole that when they do come crawling back, you get to decide—not hope—whether they’re worth your time.
You’ve got this.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: How long does it usually take for an ex to come back? A: The most common windows are 3–8 weeks (the “panic” phase) or 3–6 months (after reality sets in). Anything after 12 months is rare unless major life changes happen.
Q: Do exes come back after dating someone else? A: Yes—about 30–40% of reconciled couples had at least one partner date someone new during the breakup (per 2022 relationship study).
Q: What if they come back but I’ve moved on? A: That’s actually the best position to be in. You get to choose from strength, not desperation.
Q: Is no contact really necessary? A: 9 times out of 10, yes. It gives them space to miss you and you space to heal. The couples I’ve seen successfully reunited almost always had a solid no-contact period.
Q: Do dumpers always regret it? A: Not always—but most feel some form of regret or “what if” within the first 6 months. Whether they act on it is another story.
Q: Should I tell them I want them back? A: Almost never first. Let them say it. If you have to convince someone to be with you, they don’t want to be there badly enough.
You deserve someone who chooses you without hesitation—not someone you have to talk into it.
Stay strong out there. ❤️
