Breakups suck. You finally start healing, maybe even feel a little proud of yourself for not texting first in 47 days… and then boom. They post a cryptic Instagram story, slide into your DMs “just to check in,” or suddenly become best friends with your cousin. Signs Your Ex Is Pretending To Be Over You
You’re left staring at your phone thinking: “Are they over me… or are they just really good at pretending?”
I’ve been there. My friends have been there. Half the internet has been there. And after talking to hundreds of people (plus digging into actual relationship research), I can tell you this: most exes who say “I’m totally fine” are lying through their perfectly whitened teeth.
Here are the 11 biggest signs your ex is faking the whole “moved on” thing – and exactly what’s going on in their head when they do it.
The 11 Signs Your Ex Is Pretending to Be Over You
1. They Keep Finding Excuses to Talk to You
“Forgot my hoodie,” “Need the Netflix password,” “Just saw your mom at Target.”
If your ex is suddenly the king or queen of random reasons to message you, they’re not over you. They’re manufacturing contact because they miss the connection – even if they won’t admit it.
Real example: My friend Sarah’s ex texted her three months post-breakup asking for the name of “that one Thai place we went to in 2021.” Bro, you have Google.
2. Hot-and-Cold Behavior (a.k.a. Emotional Whiplash)
One day they’re liking your selfies, the next they’re ignoring you for two weeks.
This push-pull dynamic is textbook unresolved feelings. They want you close enough to feel the comfort, but far enough to protect their pride.
3. They Post Thirst Traps Right After Seeing Your Stories
You watch their story → 20 minutes later they upload a shirtless gym mirror pic or a “glow-up” selfie with the caption “new chapter 💅”.
That timing is not a coincidence. They want you to notice. They want you to want them.
4. Drunk Texts or 2 a.m. “I Miss You” Bombs
Alcohol is truth serum. If they only confess feelings when they’re six drinks deep, the feelings are still there – they just don’t have the guts to say it sober.
5. They Get Weirdly Jealous or Competitive
You post a picture with a new friend (or God forbid, a date) and suddenly they’re asking mutual friends twenty questions or posting cryptic quotes about loyalty.
Jealousy doesn’t just vanish because the relationship ended.
6. They Copy Your Moves
You start yoga → they start yoga. You dye your hair → two weeks later, new hair color alert. You get into sourdough → guess who’s suddenly an artisan baker?
This is subconscious “I still want to be connected to you” behavior.
7. The Over-the-Top “I’m Thriving” Performance
New luxury vacation photos every week. Constant humble-brags. Announcing they’re “the happiest they’ve ever been” to anyone who will listen.
When someone has to broadcast how over you they are… they’re usually not.
A 2023 study from Personality and Individual Differences showed that people who post excessive “I’m doing amazing without you” content score higher on attachment anxiety and regret.
8. They Badmouth You (or the Breakup) to Mutual Friends
If they were truly over it, they wouldn’t need to keep justifying the breakup or painting you as the villain six months later. The story would be dead.
Constantly bringing you up = you’re still living rent-free in their head.
9. They “Check In” During Big Life Moments
Your birthday. Your promotion. Your dog’s surgery. Suddenly they appear with a perfectly timed “Hope you’re okay” text.
They’re not being polite. They’re reminding you they still care – and hoping you remember too.
10. They Keep Your Stuff (or Keep Giving You Theirs)
Still has your college hoodie? Still sending you random memes on TikTok? Still has your Spotify playlist saved?
Physical and digital reminders are emotional anchors. People who are over you don’t cling to hoodies.
11. The Ultimate Red Flag: They Freak Out When You Actually Move On
You start dating someone new and suddenly they want to “talk.” Or they unfollow you in a dramatic huff. Or they finally say the “I made a mistake” line.
Nothing proves someone wasn’t over you like the meltdown that happens when you stop waiting.
What Should You Do If You Spot These Signs?
Here’s the hard truth: noticing the signs doesn’t mean you should run back.
Ask yourself three questions:
- Did the core problems that broke you up get fixed? (Spoiler: they rarely do in three months.)
- Are they showing up as a healthier partner – or just as a panicked ex?
- Do YOU actually want them back, or do you just miss being wanted?
Action steps if you want to protect your peace:
- Mute, don’t block (blocks feel dramatic and keep the cycle going)
- Stop responding to breadcrumbs
- Tell mutual friends gently: “I’d rather not get updates about them”
- Focus on your own glow-up (the real kind, not the performative one)
Final Thought
If your ex is pretending to be over you, it usually means one thing: they’re hurting too. But pain isn’t a promise. Regret isn’t a relationship repair kit.
You deserve someone who doesn’t need six months and three thirst traps to realize you were the best thing they ever had.
Stay soft, stay smart, and keep moving forward – whether they’re watching or not.
FAQs About Exes Pretending to Be Over You
1. How long do exes typically pretend to be over you? Most people put on the “totally fine” act hardest in the first 3–6 months. After that, reality usually sets in.
2. Why do some exes never show these signs – are they actually over me? Some people process breakups privately and healthily. If they’re truly quiet, consistent, and respectful of boundaries, believe them. Silence can be the real “I’m over it.”
3. My ex says they’re over me but keeps doing these things. Should I call them out? Only if you want drama. Calling them out rarely makes them admit feelings – it usually makes them double down on the “I’m fine” performance.
4. Is it ever a good idea to get back with an ex who pretended to be over you? Only if they do the work (therapy, accountability, changed behavior) – not just panic because you stopped orbiting them.
5. How can I tell if I’m the one not over it and projecting? If you’re screenshotting their stories and analyzing every like… yeah, that might be you. Take a 30-day no-contact challenge and see how you feel without the constant updates.
6. Why do dumpers pretend to be over it more than dumpees? Guilt + ego. They don’t want to look like the bad guy who made a mistake.
7. Is bread-crumbing the same as pretending to be over you? Bread-crumbing is the tactic. Pretending to be over you is the mask they wear while doing it.
